We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
