You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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