kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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