I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
