we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
