if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize