Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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