He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
