College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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