How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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