So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
