What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
