I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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