I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
