i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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