Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I didn't notice because vodka
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
