dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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