I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
