I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
MIDGETS
????
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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