I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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