everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
