I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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