It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
