I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
