Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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