my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
