STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
