He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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