Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
