I feel great
I just peed on a car
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
