6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
