I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
soo... how was my night?
Randomize