I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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