college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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