Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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