If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
