Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
