for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
