Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
