ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
