All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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