Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
