if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My balls are so social today.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
