i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
