This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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