Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
