3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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