I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
