Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
