Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
