return my video game
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
