dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
