Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
