Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
