Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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