so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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