yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
