so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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