Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
