If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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